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  • Rebecca Feinglos

My totally unexpected grief of the day

I started crying today because I got perfectly normal lab test results after a doctor's visit. And I have no one to tell about my perfectly normal lab test results. There's no news. Just confirming that I'm still healthy.

When I was married, I would've walked over to my husband to share while he was brushing his teeth and he would've said, "Great!" with toothpaste still in his mouth.

When my dad was alive, I would've forwarded him my perfectly normal lab results as an FYI. My father was a physician, and was always happy to take a look at to any of my medical results for anything.

But instead, when I saw my test results listed as "normal," I just sat there for a second. I had no next steps. I didn't need to let anybody know. It was just me sitting at my kitchen table. I think I let out a little "Yay!" And then I just cried.

I actually haven't stopped crying while I'm writing this down. I didn't at all expect that something as mundane as my normal health would trigger my grief. But here we are.

I decided to text my girlfriends group chat about my perfectly normal health, and I'm so glad I did. I said something along the lines of "Hey I know this is silly, but I have no one else to tell that I'm healthy." One of my friends and I hopped on the phone at 8:45 in the morning because from that text alone she could sense that I was pretty down. Talking through my feelings was exactly what I needed, and I'm grateful for her.

It's ok to grieve over the mundane stuff. And don't be afraid to reach out to your people, your chosen family, to support you even for things you think are silly.

Your grief isn't silly at all.

Grieve on.


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