Grieve Leave Community Blog: For Aroha: Why I Started a Petition to Change Cemetery Regulations in NSW, Australia.

By Chloe Kessell 

When my best friend Aroha Tupaea passed away unexpectedly in 2022 at the age of 19, it felt like the world went dark... Ro was pure sunshine. She was full of life, laughter, love, talent, generosity, and that rare kind of energy that truly lifts others. I lost not just a friend, but a sister. And in the middle of that heartbreak, I found myself faced with something I never imagined having to fight for. The right to honour her life in a way that felt true to who she was.

Aroha had the kind of presence you do not forget. She lit up every room she walked into. Strangers who only met her for a few minutes felt like they had known her for years. She had a way of making people feel loved, even on their worst days. She was kind, loyal, and full of compassion.

I wanted to decorate Aroha’s resting place with that same love. Bright flowers, small meaningful tributes, colour, and personality. Things that reflected her vibrant spirit. But I quickly learned that many cemeteries have strict policies. They often allow only fresh flowers, limit how long items can remain, or require everything to be removed altogether. In trying to celebrate her life, I kept bumping into invisible walls.

Pinegrove Memorial Park, for example, only allows fresh flowers on graves. For many grieving families, constantly buying fresh flowers is a financial struggle. It can feel like love is being limited by money and red tape. Grief is already heavy enough without being made harder by policies that leave no room for personal or cultural expression.

It hit me hard. Why should grief be so tightly controlled, especially when we know how healing personal memorials can be?

That is when I decided to start a petition. Not just for Aroha, but for every family who has ever felt helpless in trying to honour their loved ones. I wanted to raise awareness about cemetery policies that do not consider cultural practices, creative mourning, or the basic human need to make someone’s space feel like them. The goal was, and still is, to advocate for change. For governments and cemeteries to allow families to help maintain and decorate graves that are actively visited, while still balancing general upkeep.

When I began the process of submitting my petition through the NSW Parliament website, I learned that I needed the name of a Member of Parliament to support and bring it to the attention of Parliament. That is when I reached out to MP, Mrs Tanya Davies.

I contacted her directly and shared my story about Aroha. I explained why this issue meant so much to me and how heartbreaking it was to be told I could not decorate my best friend’s resting place in a way that reflected who she truly was.

Mrs Davies replied with warmth and understanding. She told me she was happy to support the petition and shared her own surprise that Pinegrove Memorial Park had such strict regulations. She pointed out that in NSW, it is common to see personal memorials by the side of the road. Crosses, teddy bears, flowers. All created by grieving families after tragic accidents. She said it did not make sense that we are allowed to do this on public roads but not in cemeteries, which are meant to be spaces for remembrance and peace. Mrs Davies agreed that families should be able to honour their loved ones in a way that truly reflects their spirits.

With her support, I was able to officially submit the petition to the NSW Parliament and begin sharing it with the public.

Since then, I have been overwhelmed by the number of people who reached out to say they have experienced the same thing. Some had personal items removed without warning. Others were told they could not place anything beyond fresh flowers because of strict cemetery rules. It made me realise this is not just about one cemetery. It is about the wider issue of how we honour the dead and how we support the living in their grief.

Although the petition has officially ended and I have not yet achieved the outcome I was hoping for, I do not see it as a failure. I see it as the beginning. It is frustrating to know that the policies at Pinegrove Memorial Park have not changed yet, especially after so many people stood behind this cause. And it is disheartening to learn that the NSW Government leaves it up to individual cemeteries to set their own rules, even when those rules go against the needs of the communities they serve...

But I still feel hopeful. The number of people who resonated with this issue, who signed, shared, and spoke up, proves this matters. With continued community pressure, I believe Pinegrove can change. They must listen. When grieving families are speaking this loudly, it is time for those in charge to stop and hear us.

This movement has only just started, and it is not over.

Grief does not follow rules. It does not end after thirty days or stay within neat, trimmed edges.