Your Child Isn't Too Young to Learn About Grief

From a grief and early childhood expert

News about flash floods that have killed more than 100 people, including dozens of children from summer camps, is everywhere. Your three year old sees flooding footage on your phone and asks what happened. Your five year old overhears you talking about the missing children and wants to know if kids really died. You’re wondering if your six month old can sense how upset you’ve been all week. 

Maybe you're wondering if they're too young for these conversations. Maybe you're trying to protect them from the hard realities of the world. Or maybe you're just not sure what to say when your kid asks, "Will that happen to me?"

As the founder of a grief support organization (for grown-ups) and a former early childhood educator, teacher coach, and policy maker, let me tell you:

Your child isn't too young to learn about grief and loss. In fact, they're already learning about it – from your facial expressions, your hushed phone calls, the way you pause when the news comes on, and from the images they see scrolling over your shoulder. The question isn't whether to teach them about loss. It's how to do it in an age-appropriate way that helps them understand their world, their, and your feelings.

Here’s how to teach your young child about grief and loss in the recent floods  (and beyond)

You are your child’s first teacher. Your job isn't to shield your children from every difficult emotion or scary news story. Your job is to model what emotions look like and what we do with them.

Let them see you sad – but not out of control. Show them that adults can feel big feelings and still be safe, still take care of things, still love them completely.

Say out loud that sometimes accidents happen that can hurt people, even kids, but that you and the other adults around them will do everything possible to keep them safe.

Your kids are watching how you handle uncertainty, loss, and difficult emotions. They're learning that these feelings are normal, manageable, and part of being human.

Birth to Age 2: Feel It, Name It, Show It

Babies and toddlers are emotional sponges – they're absorbing how you respond to stress, sadness, and uncertainty. Model emotions for them in a way that’s real, and safe. 

• Let them see you cry and soothe yourself in simple ways, as you explain it: "Mama is crying because she feels sad. People far away got hurt in a big storm. I’m going to lie down with my blanket to help me feel safer while I’m upset."

• Use simple, but intentional, emotion words: "This makes me feel worried" or "I feel sad when I see people get hurt."

• Maintain your typical routines and physical comfort – your toddler needs to know their world is still safe and predictable.

Ages 3-5: Concrete Explanations, Simple Truths

Preschoolers think in very literal terms. They need concrete explanations without scary details.

• Just like for 0 - 3 year olds, let them see you cry and soothe yourself. Now you also have the chance to explain a little more, and come up with more options on how to find comfort: “Daddy is crying because people were hurt in a big storm. It makes me feel scared. When I’m scared, I know I can talk to the people who love me about how I’m feeling– and that helps me feel better.”

• "It's ok to feel worried when we see sad things on the news. What can we do to help our worried feelings?" [Offer examples like cuddling a stuffed toy, singing a song, or drawing a picture]

• "Sometimes nature does things that can hurt people, like the big storms that brought too much water too fast. The people on TV are sad because their houses were broken from the water, and some people got hurt."

• "Some children got hurt when they were at summer camps near a river when the water got very high very quickly. Now other people are working hard to help everyone stay safe."

• Play with toys together, and draw pictures together, to act out and illustrate the flooding – include emotion words and remind kids how to find safety, like: “she’s feeling scared, and she’s asking an adult for help”

What Helps Young Kids Process Loss and Scary News

Get them involved in helping. Have your kids write cards or draw pictures for affected communities. If you're donating, you could scan and email their artwork to organizations – kids need to feel like they can do something meaningful.

Let them play it out. Don't be surprised if your child starts acting out what you've described with toys or through dramatic play. This is how kids process big concepts. You might see them hold "funerals" for toys or recreate rescue scenarios– you can join in.

Include kids in grief rituals. Create a family ritual that honors your grief and includes your young kids. Maybe that's lighting a candle and talking about the people affected. Maybe it's visiting a special place in nature and talking about how we help each other during hard times. Or, maybe that’s bringing your children with you to a vigil or other grief support event in your community.

Read together. Age-appropriate books about loss, helping others, and big emotions can give you language and frameworks for these conversations. (We love the books shared by @maistorybooklibrary on Instagram, and the resources offered by Sesame Street in Communities). 

Follow their lead. Some kids will ask a million questions. Others will seem unaffected (but maybe will speak up later). Answer what they're actually asking, not what you think they should be asking.

When Your Young Child Asks the Hard Questions

Tell the truth in a way that is safe, simple, and clear.

"Will that happen to me?" 

• "It's very unlikely to happen here, but I understand why you're worried. Let me tell you about all the ways we stay safe..."

"Did kids die?"

• "Some people did get hurt, and some died. It’s very sad for their families, and it’s sad for me, too. That's why everyone is working so hard to help the people who are still there."

"Why did this happen?"

• "I don't know why. It doesn't seem fair, does it? But I do know that when bad things happen, people come together to help."

"Are you scared?" 

• "I do feel worried about the people who were impacted. But I'm not scared for our family. We're safe here, and I'll always do everything I can to keep you safe."

What Not to Say:

• "Don't worry about it" (dismisses their feelings)

• "It could never happen here" (that’s just not true– you can’t predict the future)

• "Everything happens for a reason" (doesn't help with processing unfairness)

• Distract them and only talk about the happy things in life (they’ll find out about the hard stuff from someone else, and who knows how that’ll go)

Remember: They're Learning How to Be Human

Your kids aren't just learning about this specific tragedy or natural disaster: They're learning how to be humans who live in a world where grief and loss happens. They're learning that it's okay to feel sad about people they don't know. They're learning that adults can handle big emotions and still do their best to keep everyone safe.

They're learning that when scary things happen, people help each other. That's not a small lesson.

You don't have to be perfect at these conversations. You don't need to have all the answers. You just need to show up, be honest, and let them know that feeling big feelings about loss – whether it's happening to strangers or in your own family – is part of being a caring human being.

And that's exactly the kind of human you're raising.