From Intern Julia’s Desk: Three Things I Learned About Grief

Following my cousin’s death by suicide in 2022, I was desperate for community. In a loss that felt so isolating and rare, I didn’t know if anyone could understand my grief, guilt, and anger. I searched high and low on the internet for some comfort, but every community I would come across had some paid aspect to it-until I discovered Grieve Leave. For the first time, I saw my grief displayed in a way that was meaningful. For the first time in months, I finally had the thought “yes, that’s exactly how I feel!” Not only could I relate, but there was a space for dark humor and being able to see a funny joke about my grief. Once I saw an ad for an internship position, I was ecstatic. I am now 3 years from my loss, but I was eager to give back to a community and to the founder who walked me through my darkest days of grief. I was also given the chance to continue sharing my cousin Zada’s story. It was a privilege to be given a platform to share Zada’s light and the lifelong impact she had made on me. In the last three months of my internship, here are the messages I will take home from Grieve Leave and its community.

1. Grief is everywhere.

I often believed that grief could only follow after the death of a loved one. But quickly, I learned that grief exists in any life change. For the first time, all the major life changes had a new meaning, and I felt validated for grieving life transitions such as graduation, job changes, and breakups. It is extremely rare to find a community that validates the everyday grief we feel. I am so grateful that  I can accept the little and big griefs I feel as I move through life.

2. It’s okay to set boundaries around your grief.

A common conception I had was that I had to make my grief work for other people. I had to hide it, not talk about it, and I should continue to be the person I was before my cousin's death. The content we make, specifically holiday content, has opened my eyes and led me to be confident in being honest about my grief. I can say no, I can be honest about how I am feeling. It’s not my responsibility to make people feel comfortable about my grief. It’s allowed to exist in its messy and complicated ways, and it doesn’t need to be contained for the sake of others.

3. Our society is not equipped to handle death and grief.

Upon starting this internship, I learned how deeply flawed the system is for handling grief, especially in the workplace, and the limitations of paid bereavement leave. I had only experienced the lack of compassion in an academic setting, and it was disheartening to hear how badly we treat grieving employees and students. Going forward, I hope to look at future job prospects critically and think of how they treat grief in the workplace.

The last three months have been incredible, educational, and impactful as I got to work closely with the founder, Rebecca Feinglos, and be able to learn about grief through her eyes and joke about our losses. I can’t wait to see and follow along with Grieve Leave and watch it impact grievers the way it impacted me. Thanks for letting me learn through you and your stories. Most of all, thanks for letting me share Zada and bring her light into this space.

As Rebecca always says…Grieve on.